Seasons of Smoke: Parenting & Moderation

Originally featured in Fat Nugs Magazine Vol. 26: Kids & Cannabis Edition. Enjoy the great articles and community at fatnugsmag.com.

Shifting Seasons

Over the last twenty years of regular cannabis consumption and connoisseurship, my habits and preferences have remained relatively unchanged. While I enjoy all the entourage effects of the plant, the relaxation side of things is what I dig most. With too many projects going on between work and family life, I stay up late, overthink, work odd hours and have trouble staying present. Cannabis has always been there to help with that. It lets me take off the stresses of the day and hang them up for a moment. This is priceless and allows me to carry a lot while staying optimistic. I figured this would never change, but almost three years ago my first child was born, and when I became a father, my relationship with cannabis started shifting.

Initially, I didn’t feel the changing seasons because cannabis was a core part of my identity. I couldn’t imagine going for months on end without the plant voluntarily, especially living in a legal state with safe regulated access and working in the industry. But as parenting life kicked in, I found myself thinking more and more about how I wanted my kids to see me and how I wanted them to live. This led to a more critical look at my own use and habits that culminated in 2024 when I took a 187 day cannabis break over the summer and fall that was so impactful for me, that I did it again this year taking another 105 days off from the plant. Despite some early sleepless nights, I learned a lot in the process and plan to make it a regular thing going forward. What I’m dubbing “Seasonal Moderation” works for my family and me, or at least it has so far, and I see it integrating into life well in the future when kids are old enough to ask tough (fun) questions.

Medicine or Vice?

Thinking about how to handle cannabis around kids, I kept circling back to the same question that I know I’d have to defend when they ask “why?” Is my situation medicinal use or is it a vice in that it is just some kind of habitual preference? A question I still haven’t fully answered. I’m grateful not to have a current ailment that requires heavy or routine medicinal use at the moment. But as we all know, cannabis enhances mood, experiences, music, creativity and more, which seems to be exactly what some medicines can do. I went back and forth on this and found that sometimes my smoke sesh was more medicinal in scope like relaxing before bed where other times it was more habitual, like a weekend wake and bake or hike in the mountains.

In the middle of that experiment, I read a story about the physicist Richard Feynman that kickstarted my first long break. One afternoon in 1949, he was walking past a bar and felt a strong urge to have a drink. He noted the desire and kept walking but was puzzled because it was the middle of a normal day, but the thought was intrusive. Worrying this may be the substance having power over him and wanting to preserve his mind, he stopped drinking all together. While there isn’t a clear 1:1 with alcohol and cannabis, the story resonated with me because I do sometimes feel like “I should smoke again” even though I don't really “need” to, I just “want” to. 

So following in his footsteps, I embarked on a long break in 2024 with the goal of beating an original record I had set back in 2016 of going without cannabis. I was surprised to find that I was still creative. I still liked music. I could still relax. I was still in a good mood. The things I thought cannabis helped with were it turns out things I was capable of without it. As it turns out, I just really like cannabis but don’t actually “need” it. Sounds simple, but that realization took years. Now it wasn’t a question of yes or no, just back to the age old game of balance.

Moderation, Reset and Ritual

Starting on this process was difficult and took some internal convincing for sure. I will say the first break my sleep was very interesting for 2-3 weeks. I would either not sleep, or sleep and have the craziest most vivid dreams; it felt like living another life overnight. There’s a whole line of research and theories on THC and dreaming, but suffice it to say, you typically don’t remember dreams often as a regular consumer. When you stop completely, you suddenly do and they can feel intense. This year I didn’t experience that as strongly. Through the break, I did life normally, but without cannabis. It felt like I had time to fill, so I spent that time on hobbies, the gym, my family and my pets. I mostly forgot about cannabis, unless I drove past a dispensary or had to work. That being said, my mouth would still water thinking about taking a nice dab of solventless.

On one hand, I was fine, but on another I was eager for the break to end. When it was time, I was almost reluctant to smoke. I found that same joy right there waiting where I had left it along with an increased appreciation for the plant and the benefits. I had always enjoyed it, but as they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder. Time away seemed to remove my concerns about “Is this right for my kids?” or “Am I modeling the right kind of behavior?” and replace them with a sense of accomplishment in the self-discipline to take that break, as well as a greater love for the plant. Creating a cyclical process throughout the year, I can have the best of both worlds and what I found out is that for me “balance” is best done in huge increments of time. For some, balance  may be smoking only on Fridays and Saturdays, I have to go big it seems and dedicate 100+ day blocks to really commit. 

So seasonal moderation became a thing, and it’s part of my annual reset. I don’t know if this is right for every cannabis parent, but it allows me to reassess my cannabis use annually. In doing so, it has made me fearless about going without cannabis where before I felt I actually needed it. More than anything, it has created a situation where I can talk about moderation and respecting the plant with my kids while actively showing them how that looks.

The Balance

I keep cannabis separate from my kids as a matter of respect not shame. No need to see Dad smoking a joint after dinner. There’s a strong initiative to normalize cannabis with children, but I think being a kid is tough enough as it is. They have to handle so much at once. If there’s anything I can take off that plate, I’m happy to do so. 

I want them to not have to worry about it for as long as possible and have a role model of balance to appreciate it without smoking like a chimney or losing sight of other things that are important in life. When they are old enough, I can’t wait to show them how to grow if they want to learn and to have that joint before bed. But until then, I’ll find the magic with cannabis and they can live the magic of childhood. Not saying this is the right approach, I’m no expert, but it feels balanced.

Closing 

I was a little nervous about cannabis use and parenting at first. Wondering how to explain my own use that fateful day my kids ask the question or even later looking back on life with them. But seasonal moderation, or in other words taking really long breaks from the plant, turned out to be a good way to balance that concern allowing me to get time to enjoy it, while also having time completely removed from it dedicated to my family and hobbies. The seasonal approach wouldn’t have been possible without the motivation of parenting. I still love cannabis, but now have a different relationship with it and a greater appreciation. What are you doing next summer?